Table of Contents (Find Your Tip!)
- 1. What did you like about it?
- 2. Do you feel guilty?
- 3. Are you sorry, or are you sorry you just got caught?
- 4. Do you know how much you hurt me?
- 5. Did you talk about a future?
- 6. Would you leave me for them if they asked you to?
- 7. What do you feel for them?
- 8. What did you tell them about us?
- 9. What did you say to yourself to justify your actions?
- 10. Was it hard for you to keep lying to me?
You did a Revere Phone Number Look Up on the strange phone number that kept texting your husband. You found out that he’s been having an affair with his secretary who lives two towns over. You feel completely betrayed and sick.
You vowed to take thee, wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do you part. But you didn’t sign up for a cheating spouse, and the vows didn’t exactly cover what to do when you have an unfaithful partner. Before you throw in the towel on your marriage here are 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse to see if you can salvage your relationship.
1. What did you like about it?
This may be a hurtful question to ask, but if you don’t find out the answer your mind will keep wandering and your imagination will get the best of you. You need to dig deep and find out what drew your partner to this other person so you can see if this is something you can fix in the relationship. Perhaps they liked the thrill of it and are just looking for more excitement in the relationship, that is something you can work on together. If they no longer find you attractive, while that can be really devastating to hear it means you need to move on from the relationship.
2. Do you feel guilty?
If your partner truly loves you they should have felt guilty from the first time the affair started. They should be consumed with guilt and feel a sense of relief that their extramarital affairs have been exposed even though they are crushing you. If you partner feels no guilt or remorse, then it’s a sign they have clearly checked out of the relationship. The answer to this question can be hurtful, but it is extremely telling if there is still hope to rebuild the relationship and trust over time.
3. Are you sorry, or are you sorry you just got caught?
Are they sorry for hurting you and betraying your marriage, or are they just sorry they got caught cheating? Ask them to be honest and clarify which of the two they are sorry for. If they are just sorry they got caught, then you need to get rid of them because chances are they are going to keep their affair going or do it again with someone new.
4. Do you know how much you hurt me?
Ask them if they know how much they have hurt you and how you feel in all of this. If they have considered your feelings at all during their extracurricular activities. They need to be tending to your feelings and respecting and understanding how their actions have made you feel.
5. Did you talk about a future?
Did they talk about a future with the other person or was this just purely a physical affair. If it was also an emotional affair and they were making plans of leaving you to be with this other person and starting a life together then you cannot trust them. As hurtful as this is to hear, they may be feeling regretful for saying those things now but this is an indication of an underlying issue. While you may stay together now in the long run it probably won’t work out.
6. Would you leave me for them if they asked you to?
Was this other person that important to them that they would end their marriage and walk away after years of being together? How much of a temptress is this other person to your spouse? It’s important to know if they would break up your family for this other person. Or if they will never see them again and vow to work on your relationship and go to marriage counseling.
7. What do you feel for them?
Was this other person just a booty call? Or was it an emotional affair? Are they in love with them? These are hard questions to ask, but you need to know the answer to this question to know where your spouse is at in your relationship.
8. What did you tell them about us?
Were they sharing intimate details about your marriage with them? Were they discussing marital problems you were having? Did they know about you and still continue with the relationship knowing they were destroying a marriage? What does this say about this other person if they were willing to engage in a relationship with a married person.
9. What did you say to yourself to justify your actions?
Ask them how did you sleep with yourself at night, in the bed next to me? How were they able to live with themselves knowing they were living a double life and lying to you. Was it difficult for them? Was it consuming them? If they had no problem justifying their actions then they’ve probably detached from your relationship and moved on already.
10. Was it hard for you to keep lying to me?
Were they able to lie to you easily or was it difficult to keep up with the stories? Were they constantly sneaking around and taking showers and hoping they wouldn’t get caught? If it was difficult for them to lie to you, this is because they still love you and value your relationship and don’t want to hurt you. They knew what they were doing was wrong and they got involved in something they couldn’t get themselves out of.
At the end of the day you have to decide what is right for you. If you believe there is hope for your marriage or if you need to move on. These 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse will help you gain some insight behind why they did what they did. But we must advise you that they come with a disclaimer, that the truth can hurt. However, the truth will always set you free.
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