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Love Bombing: Are You Dating A Narcissist?

By on 2019-07-09 16:55:16, 1 Comments

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You just entered a new relationship with someone, and are madly in love with them. They treat you as though you are the moon and stars, and their world centers around you. But, it gets to the point where the attention and affection becomes overwhelming, almost to the point of stalking. So, what should you do? First, you need to accept the fact that your partner may be a ‘love bomber’.  

What Is Love Bombing?
Love bombing is when someone overwhelms another with love, attention, and affection as a form of manipulation. These narcissists make their victims feel as though they are their everything, and no one else matters. It may feel like true love, but it’s far from it. Catharine Blake, LICSW, CDC, describes this behavior as being, “Quite similar to the behavior that a pre adolescent might use in order to regain their parents’ favor.” 

During the ‘love bombing’ process, a narcissist will break down and devalue their target so they are codependent on them. This includes receiving unquestioned devotion and affection from the victim. If they are not receiving the attention they want, their emotions can go quickly from love to rage. 

7 Signs Of Love Bombing To Watch Out For

1. They Give You TONS Of Compliments

Love bombers use flattery as a tool to control the person they’re with. They often will say global compliments like, “I’ve never met anyone like you”, “You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen”, or “I can’t imagine my life without you”, according to Christian Crush Founder and Licensed Clinical Psychologist and Marriage Counselor Dr. Wyatt Fisher. Receiving compliments from someone you’re in a relationship with is normal, but not to the point of feeling smothered by them. 

2. Gifts, Gifts, and More Gifts!

Just like with compliments, someone can easily show their appreciation for someone they like by giving them gifts or making a romantic gesture. However, if the gift giving starts to happen too frequently, it’s a red flag that something is wrong. They are likely using this as a way to hide their darker side and manipulate you.  

3. They Play The Victim

Yes, the narcissistic love bomber acting like the victim does seems a little off. According to Relationship and Divorce Coach Lindsey Ellison,

“The narcissist will play the “victim” to his/her circumstance and use excuses like they are stressed at work, they had a bad childhood, they are feeling depressed, etc. By playing the victim, the narcissist doesn’t take accountability for their actions, even though it appears that he/she is at the time, which is why love bombing is so confusing.”

4. The Relationship Seems Too Good To Be True

Most relationships aren’t all sunshine and rainbows. If you have a hunch that the relationship is too good to be true, it probably is. In reality, your perfect soulmate doesn’t just appear overnight! 

5. You Are Isolated From Your Friends & Family

A love bomber typically wants their victim to be devoted to them, and only them. When you are being love bombed, the manipulator wants to isolate you from trusted people that can see through their manipulative acts and talk some sense into you, according to Dating Expert Celia Schweyer. 

6. They Use Degrading Phrases

Later on in the relationship, the love bomber may begin to use degrading phrases just to show how you can’t live without them. 

Phrases such as “you’re lucky I love you, because no one else would put up with you” may be used. These phrases will get into the victims’ psyche and create low self-esteem that becomes dependent on the fake affection from the love bomber.

– April Davis, Owner and Founder of LUMA- Luxury Matchmaking.

7. Hitting Those Milestones Real Fast

If you just recently entered a new relationship, and they are already talking about you meeting their parents and moving in, hit the brakes! No healthy relationship moves that fast. Love bombers try to solidify the relationship as fast as possible so there’s less of a chance of escape. 

Why Does Someone Fall For A Love Bomber?

– Narcissistic People Exude Attractive Qualities

Often, narcissists exude attractive qualities that are not just about physical appearance. They may appear to be confident, self-sufficient, and ambitious. Confidence is considered one of the most attractive qualities many look for in a potential partner. 

– No Feeling Of Self-Worth

Marni Battista, a Certified Professional Dating and Relationship Coach, says it’s critical to understand that the reason you may fall fast for this type of person is that you are looking for external validation of your love-ability, your worthiness, and that you are loveable. When you do not have healthy self worth, then you will rely on it coming from others. When someone is dosing you with validation from the get-go, it feels GOOD. Add to that the lack of strong identity and preferences, and you will pretzel yourself into whoever you think they want you to be. So, when they threaten to leave or tell you this is the best it will be, a true narcissist will trigger your self doubt and reinforce that lack of self worth you had when you came into the relationship.  

– It Feels Nice To Be Adored By Someone

It can be hard to find a good match and person in today’s online dating world. As said by Julie Nashawaty, Dating Expert for Aste

“Love bombing feels nice after wading through the pool of unavailable matches, liars, cheaters, and ghosts. You finally feel like you found someone that could truly appreciate *you*. Unfortunately, a narcissist knows this and uses this technique on you to get what he/she wants, and that’s to manipulate you to their needs.” 

– Suffered A Past Trauma

When someone hasn’t recovered from a past trauma like a toxic relationship, they will often look to fill that void. However, this often leads to that person being in a toxic or abusive relationship again. Love bombers, at the start, exploit this and falsely fill the void by showering the person with love and affection. 

Why Do Narcissists Love Bomb Others?
Now that you know why someone would fall for a ‘love bomber’, why would someone ‘love bomb’ a person? 

– They Want To Feel Loved and Worshipped

According to Catharine Blake, narcissists, “Thrive on praise and others who validate them. I tell my clients to imagine a person who is being pulled with pliers by their nose towards anything that makes them feel good. When they are love booming, they are not loving you – they are loving how you make them feel!” 

They may also be seeking out love from others because they suffered a past trauma, or believe they didn’t get enough attention from their parents growing up. No matter how much a narcissist appears to love you, it’s not real love. 

– It’s A Game To Them

For many narcissists, the end game is to control and maintain dominance over their partner. They want someone who will follow their every command and whim willingly, without objection. To achieve this, they use positive and negative manipulation tactics to break down and mold their victim. And they do this as quickly as possible so their prey cannot escape their grasp. 

How To Break Free From Love Bombing Relationship

– Realize That You’re In A Love Bombing Relationship

The first, and hardest step, is coming to the realization that your partner is love bombing you. This can be hard to see especially if you have been with the person for a while and love them. However, it’s important to remember that, “everything that is in excess is toxic and unhealthy. If you don’t get out of the relationship early, everything might just get worse” says Celia Schweyer.

– Slow Things Down

Sometimes, putting a full stop to a toxic relationship may not be the best idea. Doing so could lead the narcissist to stalk and harass you for years to come. Instead, gradually slow down the relationship, especially in the early stages. For example, this can be done by decreasing your dependency on them or the affection you show them. 

– Seek Outside Support

If you are trying to break free from the relationship, seek outside help. This could be from your friends, family, support groups, and other professionals. There’s no better way than getting help from those who love you or can sympathize with your situation. 

 

So, are you dating a ‘love bombing’ narcissist or know someone who is? Remember, no one that you’re dating should degrade you or make you feel worthless. When this starts happening, that’s when you know it’s time to leave the relationship. 

Make sure to check out our other relationship blogs on Kiwi Searches, like our recent one on Tindstagramming.

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