Table of Contents (Find Your Tip!)
- Is It Just A Crush?
- Do They Know About How You Feel?
- Does He Feel The Same Way?
- Tread Lightly And Keep Your Distance
- Oops Things Got Physical
- Are You Comfortable Breaking Up a Family?
- Remember: He Probably Isn’t Going To Leave His Wife
- Most Relationships That Start With Infidelity End With Infidelity
- Always Use Protection
- Don’t Contact The Wife
- Don’t Fall In Love With A Married Man In The First Place
So you found the perfect man, he is everything you’ve ever dreamed of and more. You’ve fallen head over heels in love with this person almost overnight. There is only one small problem….he’s already taken. While most women don’t intend to fall in love with a married man, it does happen. So what do you do if you find yourself in love with a married man?
Is It Just A Crush?
First ask yourself if you are really in love or is it just a crush? It’s common to have crushes on people we admire. A crush gives you butterflies and you daydream of long walks on the beach. If you are in love, it literally makes you sick thinking of you two not together. It’s super common for people who work in close proximity to each other to develop crushes and sexual tension. If it’s a crush, let it run its course. If you are in love, prepare for a bumpy and heartbreaking ride.
Do They Know About How You Feel?
If the guy doesn’t know your feelings for him, keep it that way. Remember he is married and off the table. Try your best to avoid being in contact with him. If you are really in love, you want what is best for the other person and not complicating his life with temptation is the best thing you can do. What’s good for you about him not knowing is it is easier to get over him. Take a cold shower, go out with your girlfriends and find someone who is single to date.
Does He Feel The Same Way?
This is the point where things could get complicated. If he doesn’t share the same feelings for you, great you are off the hook. Wallow in a pint of ice cream and bad movies until your broken heart heals. If he does have feelings for you, try your best to communicate openly and maturely about them.
The best case scenario is that you two have a long talk about your feelings and what complications they bring up. Just because you have the chemistry doesn’t mean you need to react to it. Discuss the consequences of a physical or even an emotional relationship between the two of you and the realities of the fallout.
Sometimes when we are in love we tend to see the world through rose-colored glasses, going over the cons of getting into a relationship with a married man can help you get past the fantasy and into the reality of the situation. These dirty details might be enough to quell those lustful emotions.
Tread Lightly And Keep Your Distance
Sometimes you are trying your best and a married man is pursuing you. Gross. Even if you think he is the best person in the world, if he still has a wedding ring on and he is still cheating on his wife he can’t really be that great. Keep him at an arms’ length and try not to spend time with him unless you absolutely have to.
Sometimes you need to be the bigger person and put your foot down and say no. It may be really hard, but it will spare your heart in the end.
If you can’t keep your distance because you work together remember to keep it professional. If he still tries to pursue you even after you said no, contact HR because that is sexual harassment and it is NOT okay.
The most important thing to do is to not let things get physical.
Oops Things Got Physical
Okay, things happen and people make mistakes. Whirlwind relationships happen often before we even know it or can comprehend things like marital status. If you find yourself in this situation remain calm. While it may feel good in the moment, you are on a speeding train heading for disaster and you need to get off.
If he shows no sign of ending the affair you will need to be the person to end it. Be strong and realize there are plenty of fish in the sea, ones without wives.
Are You Comfortable Breaking Up a Family?
If you find yourself in an affair with a married man and it is difficult for you to leave the relationship it is time to be honest with yourself. This person is married, even if he says he is unhappy you are positioning yourself in a place where you are (at least partially) the cause for a marriage or a family breaking up.
Divorce doesn’t only affect two people, but whole families. Children, in particular, can be caught up in the middle and it is never not devastating for them. If you are insistent on being with this person long term you must consider his children because in the unlikely event he ends up with you, they will be part of your family too and his ex will always be in the picture.
Ask yourself if you are comfortable being the villain of the story. If not stay away. If his marriage is already falling apart let it fall and the dust settle before you step in. Otherwise, you are putting yourself in the middle of ground zero of what could be a very messy divorce.
Remember: He Probably Isn’t Going To Leave His Wife
Most married men don’t leave their wives. Affairs are fun and a good time, you only get the best parts of each other because everything is still new and on the surface. Once they start getting too real, or too risky to his comfortable lifestyle, you will be the first thing he drops. The fact that he is married and willing to break those vows for you isn’t romantic, it’s sleazy.
Even if their marriage is on the brink of ending, it is up to you to keep your distance until after the divorce papers are finalized. If he is really into you he will wait for you. Otherwise, you are holding a candle for someone who has already put you in the number two slot in his life and you deserve to be number one.
Most Relationships That Start With Infidelity End With Infidelity
Once a cheater always a cheater. If your married man went outside of his relationship to solve a problem, it is likely he will do it again when things inevitably get rough in your relationship. There will always be a cloud of suspicion hanging over your partnership because it started with infidelity so you know what each other is capable of. Many relationships can’t handle that kind of pressure and will not last long.
Unfortunately, almost every time falling in love with a married man will end up with your heart breaking. It isn’t a good idea to pursue a relationship, even an emotional one when the guy has a wife at home. Despite all of that, if you are resigned to the fact that the heart wants what it wants, here are some ways to protect yourself and your heart.
Always Use Protection
If he is cheating on his wife with you, chances are he can be cheating on you too. Protect yourself during sex from STIs. It is likely he isn’t using protection with his wife so you will be helping to protect her from being an innocent victim. If he doesn’t want to use protection, kick him to the curb. If he doesn’t care about your safety he isn’t worth your time.
Don’t Contact The Wife
It isn’t your place to spill the beans. If you are feeling guilty, you should be, you are sleeping with a married man. Don’t cause extra drama because you are having feelings of jealousy or guilt. Deal with those on your own. If she contacts you, don’t say anything beyond. “You need to have that conversation with your husband.”
Being cheated on causes a lot of emotions and some women react badly, very badly. Avoid the potential of a violent altercation by staying out of the marriage as much as possible.
Don’t Fall In Love With A Married Man In The First Place
This is easier said than done, especially if the man is lying about not being married. If you are speaking to this new guy and are unsure if he is married or not, it might be a good idea to do a background check on them to avoid accidentally getting involved in a situation you want no part of.
While nobody wants to be the other woman, there is a thrill that comes with an affair. Be careful and tread lightly when getting involved with a married man. There will be lots of drama and broken hearts and the person who is most likely to get hurt is you.